“People we need to do something today, our media bytes are down by 27%” said a worried looking former psephologist turned politician. “We need a to make a big splash, the media has enough content courtesy the elections and other issues”
Everyone in the room was intently looking at the former IBN7 anchor turned politician, “What? I just read from the teleprompter. I did not create the news. You need to tell me what has to be done; I’ll make a nice press brief”
The former Star News anchor turned politician looked aghast, “If you did not create news how did you get so much content when you were with the channel?” she was always hard pressed for content and knew that the former IBN7 anchor-politician was fibbing
“Where is the boss?” asked the psephologist-politician
“He said he is going to Sarojini Nagar, said something about buying some mufflers to match the colour of his sweaters” the former Star New anchor-politician replied with pride, “I spoke to him about being colour coordinated; it looks so much better on TV”
“We don’t have time to wait for him, we need to make breaking news in the next hour or else the primetime news anchors will have lined up the stories for the day” the worried psephologist-politician said in his trade mark gently patronizing monotone. “You people must understand every minute on primetime TV is equals to one lakh votes”
“@$#@!#@, speak louder I can barely hear what you are mumbling” thundered the ex-spammer turned convicted lawyer turned politician promoted to minister cum late night vigilante
“No profanities please, There are women in the room” said the former IBN7 anchor-politician in disgust
The psephologist-politician looked rattled, “Please … please, we need think and make some breaking news, let us not fight and the boss is not here so all the more reason we need to think and come up with some ideas”
The comedian turned poet turned politician walked into the room “I am back”
The Maoist lawyer turned politician looked on angrily “Why are you back? You need to be in Amethi, you are not needed here”
“I was getting bored, the Shehazada is also not there at Amethi … no fun at all being in that hell hole” replied the defensive looking comic-poet-politician
“Please we need some breaking news event” the frustration in the voice of the psephologist-politician was barely concealed
“O teri‼! … @%@#@$, I have a @%@$#@$ idea” the spammer-ex lawyer-vigilante jumped with joy “I can lead another raid on the Africans … this time in broad daylight”
“No!” chorused the other
“I can draw up a list of another 20 names and we can accuse them of being corrupt” the Maoist lawyer-politician suggested
“No! That is too risky, the TV anchors will ask for proof” reasoned the former IBN7 anchor-politician
“We can declare 100% free electricity for those who did not pay their bills” suggested the former Star News anchor-politician
“We resigned from the Government” psephologist-politician muttered “remember that”
“So what … we can ask people not to pay their bill again and promise them 100% waiver when we win the elections again in Delhi and come back to power” reasoned the former Star News anchor-politician, she could see herself winning the next round of elections with this as a election promise
“No! It won’t work, the common people of Delhi will see through the gimmick” comic-poet-politician thundered “and if we do it then we will also have to do it for Amethi”
“Is there electricity available in Amethi?” wondered the former IBN7 anchor-politician
“I don’t think we will come back to power in Delhi if we don’t have a breaking news item in the next 5 minutes” replied the Maoist lawyer-politician
“I know it … we can do another Mukesh Ambani type news and accuse Ratan Tata of looting the country” said an inspired former IBN7 anchor-politician
“Ratan Tata? You mean the Ratan Tata, he has retired” wondered the former Star News anchor-politician
“Yes the very same, steel prices went up by 100% over the last decade, he must have made a fortune” excitement in the voice of the former IBN7 anchor-politician was barely controlled
“The public is not @&@^%, they won’t buy it” sneered the spammer-ex lawyer-vigilante
“Mind your language” the Maoist lawyer-politician was getting angry “I told you there are women here … and no Ratan Tata cannot be done … its too risky”
The Boss walked in “Ah! I can see my team is hard at work. What is the discussion all about?”
“That is a lovely muffler you are wearing, it matches your sweater and your chappals” the former Star News anchor-politician was very excited
“Thank you” the Boss was a bit embarrassed, but she was right, looking good on TV was very important
“We need to make a breaking news in the next 3 minutes, our news bytes are down by 27%” the psephologist-politician was almost in tears
“God! We must do something, we cannot be relegated to page 3, we must be on page 1 and on primetime TV” the Boss understood the issue immediately and decided that he must find a solution in the next 3 minutes
“Boss why don’t you sit on a dharna at India Gate once more, jam up the traffic and create chaos” suggested the comic-poet-politician
“No … No … I am not doing that again … last time I almost froze to death, even my muffler could not keep me warm and moreover there is no issue to pick up, last time we could put pressure by threatening to disrupt the Republic day. There is nothing happening now” the Boss was panicking, he just did not want to sleep on the footpath once more
“So what do we do?” wondered the Maoist lawyer-politician. He would have loved to see the Boss sleeping on the footpath, perhaps even catching pneumonia and die. That way they could declare him a shaheed and win the elections with sympathy votes
“Let’s accuse Modi and Rahul of being corrupt” suggested the Boss
“How do we prove that?” asked the Maoist lawyer-politician “We don’t have any proof against Modi and Rahul is a very old and stale story, he is a dead beat anyway, I don’t think the public cares if we call him corrupt. And anyway Modi and Rahul are tearing into each other. How do we crash their party?”
“You are right” the boss was getting worried “That won’t work out, Modi we have nothing to go with and Rahul is a nobody”
“Why don’t we link Mukesh Ambani with Modi and Rahul” suggested the former IBN7 anchor-politician “I saw a picture of Mukesh Ambani hugging Modi and another where he was shaking hands with Rahul. We can make a press release saying Mukesh Ambani, Modi and Rahul are all looting the country together and paste these pictures there for everyone to see”
“That could work” psephologist-politician could finally see light at the end of the tunnel
“I know, I will write a letter to Modi and Rahul right now and ask them about their stand on Mukesh Ambani. We can release that letter to the media and at the same time tell the media that Modi and Rahul have not cared to reply so they too are looting the country with Mukesh Ambani … that would be brilliant … just like joining the dots to make a picture” the Boss was very satisfied
“Superb! I will compose a poem for your press conference” the comic-poet-politician was very excited
“What are you doing here in Delhi, go back to Amethi right now” thundered the Boss
“Hey! I need a break from Amethi and l will go once I compose the poem” replied the comic-poet-politician
“I don’t need your poem, just go. Call the press conference immediately, tell the press that we have proof that Mukesh Ambani, Modi and Rahul are all looting the country jointly” the boss directed to the former IBN7 anchor-politician
“But your letter to Modi and Rahul?” the former IBN7 anchor-politician wondered
“I can write it only my way to the press conference venue in my blue Wagon R car” the Boss was just salivating on the prospect of holding this press conference, he could see primetime headlines
“Let’s go … come on everyone let’s move … lots to do and so little time” the psephologist-politician began usher out the others to prepare for the news conference
Another day and another headline done …
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