Babaji Ka Thullu ...

Kongress Bureau of Interloping (KBI)

Highly Confidential                For your eyes only

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Location: Somewhere in rural Maharashtra

Time: 11:42 am

Meeting Attendees:

1. 1  AK420 aka Mr. Turncoat aka Mr. Muffler
2. 2  Baba Harare aka Baba Confused aka Baba Hunger Strike

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- Begin Transcript -

AK420: Pranaam Babaji.

Baba Harare: Oh! It's good to see you. How are you? What brings you to my humble abode?

AK420: Babaji I am not well, so I decided to come over for your blessings and advice.

Baba Harare: My blessings are always there with you, but advice I will not give. You don’t heed to my advice.

AK420: Babaji I always listen to your advice.

Baba Harare: No you don’t, I told you not to jump into politics and you did not listen to me then.

AK420: Babaji I wanted to listen to you, but you know I was forced into it by the Khaas Aadmis of the Kangress.

Baba Harare: So then you should follow the advice of the Khaas Aadmis. Why have you come to me and by the way what happened to your face?

AK420: Babaji if I listen to those Khaas Aadmi I will get beaten up everyday. See my face it is all bruised and battered because of the advice given to me by those Khaas Aadmis.

Baba Harare: I am so sad. I can only pray for you. I will give you any advice. I am sorry.

AK420: Please, you are my last hope, please help me.

Baba Harare: Hmmmm ... tell me what is happening and I will see if I can help.

AK420: You know that I got into politics and we won the elections in Delhi but we did not get majority there …

Baba Harare: Skip that part, I know that story.

AK420: Well I went back to the Khaas Aadmis of the Kangress Party and told them I needed their support me to form the Government.

Baba Harare: You went to them or they came to you?

AK420: Does it matter, we and the Khaas Aadmis were all together at that time.

Baba Harare: You mean you have split from them now?

AK420: I am contemplating that, every advice given by them to me is proving expensive.

Baba Harare: I had told you at that time, but you wanted to become the CM.

AK420: Babaji I know, I may have made a mistake, I need your help to get out of this mess now.

Baba Harare: Continue …

AK420: So with the Kangress support I formed the Government in Delhi and things were just going fine till the Khaas Aadmis from the Party told me that I needed to resign from the Government.

Baba Harare: Why?

AK420: The Queen of the Khaas Aadmis was worried that Mr. Namo would win the general elections. She wanted me to dump Delhi and start a national divide and rule strategy, the same as what we did in Delhi.

Baba Harare: So what did you do?

AK420: I did some drama on the Jan Lokpal Bill in the Delhi Assembly created a constitutional crisis there and then resigned and told the people of Delhi that I was thrown out of power. The Queen was very happy. She called me personally and told me to launch a national campaign.

Baba Harare: Hmmm … Hmmm …

AK420: What?

Baba Harare: The people of Delhi would have been very angry with you.

AK420: At first they were not, they thought I had done the right thing. Then later they began to realize that they were being fooled.

Baba Harare: But you gave them free water and electricity …

AK420: Free water? Oh! But Delhi has no water, so free or paid it doesn't matter and electricity crisis is looming ahead this summer, so free electricity also doesn't matter. Sadly people have realized this very quickly.

Baba Harare: So what is the issue, the Aam Aadmi is used being duped.

AK420: Babaji the Aam Aadmi is now very very angry with me. Every time I go out in Delhi I get slapped by the Aam Aadmi.

Baba Harare: I don’t like physical violence. But sometimes it is necessary. I also thrash the local drunkards sometimes.

AK420: Babaji I cannot take it anymore, I cannot bear getting slapped everyday.

Baba Harare: So ask the Khaas Aadmis to give you security

AK420: I cannot, remember I told the Aam Aadmi that I will not take security. So I cannot ask for it now.

Baba Harare: So what do you want me to do? I cannot become your bodyguard.

AK420: No, I don’t want you to be my bodyguard; I need your help to fool the Aam Aadmi for a few more days till the general elections. That way I will not keep getting beaten up everyday.

Baba Harare: You want me to campaign for you? You want my support?

AK420: Yes Babaji, if you show your support to me, I will be able to confuse the Aam Aadmis for some more time.

Baba Harare: But that will not help you win a lot of seats in the elections.

AK420: I know I won’t win the election; our idea is to create more confusion and make it difficult for Mr. Namo to win this election.

Baba Harare: I don’t understand.

AK420: The Queen wants me to create roadblocks for Mr. Namo.

Baba Harare: How will that help?

AK420: If Mr. Namo wins less seats, then he will need help from smaller parties to form the Government. Then the Queen will be able to dictate terms and not let Mr. Namo work properly. That will ensure that the Kangress comes back to power in the 2019 general elections.

Baba Harare: But how do you gain from this?

AK420: Hush! I cannot tell you all that.

Baba Harare: Hmmm ... I cannot help you.

AK420: Why Babaji, I desperately need your help.

Baba Harare: I have already pledged my support to Didigiri. I have said she will be the best PM for this country.

AK420: But Didigiri is nowhere in the picture. Her rally in Delhi for you also flopped badly.

Baba Harare: I know when I heard there were just a few people at the rally I decided not to go there for the rally. Didigiri was very upset with me.

AK420: But if you support me I promise you I will hold very large rallies for you.

Baba Harare: How Large?

AK420: Lakhs of people will be there

Baba Harare: Media?

AK420: They will all be there. It will be like the old days. You and I and lakhs of people … the entire media covering us.

Baba Harare: Yes we had some good time in the past.

AK420: Yes that is why I am asking you to support me and campaign for me. I will not have to do drama everyday to remain in the news. Babaji you and I together are the news.

Baba Harare: But what will be the agenda for the campaign.

AK420: Stop Mr. Namo.

Baba Harare: Just that? No other agenda?

AK420: Not needed, only one point agenda now. We have to stay focused.

Baba Harare: What will you say against him?

AK420: I have already toured his state. I will tell the people along with you that Mr. Namo is a Pheku. There is no development in his state.

Baba Harare: That will be a lie. I have been to his state; there is a lot of development there.

AK420: Babaji when you and I will say that there is no development, everyone will believe us. The media needs masala. The media will also play it up.

Baba Harare: But that will not be the truth.

AK420: It does not matter; Mr. Namo must be stopped at any cost.

Baba Harare: But if people don’t believe us, what will we do?

AK420: Why will they not believe you Babaji?

Baba Harare: I am confused, I don’t know what to say and do.

AK420: Babaji please I need your help. From tomorrow I will be camping in Varanasi and fighting against Mr. Namo.

Baba Harare: But will that be correct. I mean you fighting directly against Mr. Namo.

AK420: I must stop him at any cost. The Queen wants me to keep him distracted and engaged so that he cannot campaign in other parts of the country properly.

Baba Harare: But the Aam Aadmi will say you are fighting against Mr. Namo and not against the Queen and her son. That will not look good.

AK420: But I am putting up candidates against them also. They are very weak candidates, but they will be contesting against the Queen and her son. I will say we are fighting against them all. But Mr. Namo is the main focus. He must be stopped.

Baba Harare: And what do I get from all this?

AK420: What do you want Babaji? Name it I will make that available.

Baba Harare: I don’t want money. You know I don’t like money. I want to be back in the news. I want the Bharat Ratna.

AK420: Putting you back in the news will not be a problem. Bharat Ratna I cannot guarantee. You see Mr. Namo will become the PM. So for the next five years I don’t think I will be able to push for your Bharat Ratna.

Baba Harare: If you cannot get me the Bharat Ratna then why should I support you?

AK420: Babaji I can get you anything but that.

Baba Harare: I just want that. I don’t need anything else.

AK420: Let me make a call and see if that can be done.

AK420 (on phone): Hello! Yes … Yes … Its me your highness ... Yes … I am with him … Yes I have told him everything … He  is willing to support … Yes but he wants the Bharat Ratna in return … Yes I have told him that … I know I know … Ab ki baar Namo Sarkar … No … No … No … I will tell him … bye

AK420: Babaji it cannot be done.

Baba Harare: Then I cannot support you.

AK420: Please reconsider.

Baba Harare: No I will not.

AK420: Alright, I will then go now.

Baba Harare: Alright, wishing you the best. But you know what you are doing is wrong. My advice to you will be not to do this. The Aam Aadmi is slapping you now. After the elections they will start kicking you.

AK420: Babaji you said that you will not advice me.

Baba Harare: Yes I did, but I still gave you my advice for free.

AK420: @#$% you advice. I don’t need it.

Baba Harare: I hope you get kicked at every election rally from now on … get out … get lost!!

AK420: @#$@%%@ … wants a Bharat Ratna …

- End Transcript –

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KBI Analyst Conclusion:

AK420 and Baba Harare have not been able to patch up and will not work together this general election.

Baba Harare has declared that he will not make any of his trademark foot-in-the-mouth comments till these elections are over and he will also keep his distance from Didigiri as he fears that he might get slapped by her.

AK420 will need more material to create drama and be in the news to counter Mr. Namo.

Situation looks very bleak. Need urgent advice on how to tackle this.

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